Nostalgia and Guilt

It is this time of year that undoubtedly makes me nostalgic for my elementary school years. I think of the warm, inviting classrooms that were decorated with each season and holiday. My teachers were kind and patient, they made me feel special. I remember the smells: construction paper, glue, crayons, freshly sharpened pencils. The cafeteria.
Story time at the library. The innocence of childhood. Can I just live at the elementary school?

And here I am, homeschooling my own kiddos. My heart mourns that they aren't experiencing what I did. How can they make life-long friends and memories of shenanigans? But then my heart rejoices because I can shelter them a little longer from the bullies. From those girls who sought to make your life miserble when all you wanted was to fit in and be liked by a certain boy. (Some of those girls may be reading this now. Yes, I'm talking about you. You are forgiven.)
Or boys who made fun of you if you weren't athletic enough or were sensitive. Kyle and I bear many scars still today from elementary school.

There are days that I question our decisions in raising our kids. Sometimes I get impatient with Caed as we work on reading or impatient with Quinn because she doesn't even try to color in the lines when she's racing to get her work done. I feel incompetent when I don't incorporate enough art or activities into my Kindergartner's day. Or if I don't know the funny little songs to help remember the days of the week. I don't even have my degree.

But what I can give my kids is my best. They have a fun-loving mom who would rather go play than clean house. Knowing that they are smart, and I can't mess them up too much. I was once talking with a friend whom I secretly looked up to as a mom and she was also homeschooled. I asked her about her thoughts on the "Your Baby Can Read" program. She just shrugged and said, "I just let my kids be kids." Meaning not forcing them to grow up too soon. They will get there eventually.

Also, my kids learn about life and work. For a couple years we had a morning paper route. On Sundays, the biggest day, we would take the kids with us. We called it family paper route day. They still talk about it. We would bundle them in their blankets early in the morning and set them up with a sippy cup of milk and cup of cereal and off we would go listening to worship music and watching the sun rise.

To this day I take them with me when I haul weekly ads to Rapid City. They enjoy helping me unload and we try to see how fast we can get done before the train comes. Kyle will take a kid with him to go feed cows or just to ride in the tractor. We teach them to work. Before we had kids we wanted jobs that allowed us maximum family time. That is why we both decided to be teachers. We didn't care about income. But God had other plans for us.

I am pretty active about getting together with my friends who have kids that my kids enjoy being around. And I can also get to know their kids. I often get asked, "So, you homeschool. What about socialization?"  Eye roll. My kids will go up to any child at a park, no matter the age, introduce themselves and start playing. Caed saw a kid that was about ten years old wearing black leather gloves pretending to be a ninja. He introduced himself, said he had a hunting dog named Tank and asked if the kid could show him how to do the monkey bars.
They love conversing with adults! All of our hunters that come up will be asked to play tag at some point or will get their toes tickled when dozing. A recent guest, a surgeon, commented on Caed's maturity, perceptiveness and memory being far above his chronological age.
 They are more socialized than I am! If I bump into a person, whom I am friends with on Facebook but rarely see in real life, I'm awkward. I don't know how to act. I don't want to say 'Hi.' I've been defriended, probably, because of this. Sorry if I have done this to you.

And finally, by homeschooling. I can give my kids a solid biblical foundation. Not the skewed morals and good intentionsof the world. That our Faith is in Jesus Christ, not mankind. That God knew us before we were born. He knit us in our Mother's womb. He gave us our quirks, passions, personality and looks for a reason. We are not a mistake. And He loves us. If I had had this character-building foundation in my home as a kid I may have faired better against enemies and hardships as an adult.

In the end, I love learning. And at the very least, I hope to pass that love on to my kids.